#04261043P I apply the paint at night. I take all my self portraits at night. Before, most of my masks were colorful and lively and then something changed. I changed. From that moment on only one color was being applied on my face and then my body – Black. I became angry with black and it became my obsession. I talked about black, researched black, argued black, defended black and hated black. I tried to create something beautiful out of black. I wanted black to look good on me and feel good on me. For a moment I thought it did, but I was still deceiving myself. It didn’t look good. It was dirty and disgusting. My obsession compelled me to keep putting black on at night; putting the paint not only on my face but on my body. I've been putting black on me for a year now and I still don't have the answer...

# 0424070947 Most of my closest friends are older women. I call them my senior friends. They are all in their late 60’s and 70’s and are so precious to me. We talk about all kinds of things. We joke about arthritis and loose joints, old men and their ashy legs. We laugh so hard. I watch these women closely. They have lived such amazing lives and carry so much pain in their bodies sometimes. I call my mother to ask about my senior friends and if they’ve been coming to church. I love leaving them voice messages on their answering machines, although some of them forget to check the machines or forget how. I always leave messages as if I am their age. I leave the messages as a woman they’ve come to know as “Sister Tell It All”.

# 0423070909P My suit is a woman's suit. The sleeves are too short and the pants are too high. My glasses are men's glasses. They are sturdy. The lady at Sears told me to get these so I wouldn’t break them. Apparently, I am “rough on glasses” my tie is man's tie a black tie I like wearing ties sometimes They make you look important and powerful My shirt is a woman’s shirt Hot smokin’ pink I bought this shirt when I went shopping with my mother She has the same shirt She said it looked “pretty” on me.

# 0424070915 I have learned to appreciate change. I believe every woman should. From the time we are born we are changing. We get fat, get ugly, get cute, get mad, get skinny again, and get self-conscious when someone says we’re too this and too that. We’re never satisfied. We keep our disgust with us for days and months and years. We all wear our life experiences very uniquely. Some of us will hide our pain beside the ever-increasing fat on our sides, in our dim wrinkling faces, and under our low sloping breasts. Some of us will become eyesores to those around us, with our angry words and unforgiving hearts. But some, will learn to wear their life with dignity and grace; unashamed of tears and of past pains. They will live long lives and will be honored for their resilience and endurance. These women will be loving and kind. I hope to be named among these women in my golden years.

#0424070957P Sometimes I don’t sleep too well. Whenever I don’t, it shows all over me. Usually if I put some make-up on and do my hair others may never notice. I take most of my pictures when I cant sleep. This night, I just didn’t put anything on to mask what I am – felt – was – experienced.